To spank, according to my dictionary, is to "slap with one's open hand or a flat object, especially on the buttocks, as a punishment."

When I was around 9 years old, I went to visit my best friend, "Claudine." As I was walking up to her house, she came running out, screaming, her dad behind her, chasing her and hitting her as they went. I remember well the look of terror on her face. I remember also the look on his face. He seemed to be relishing her reaction -- and mine.

I grew up in a home in which my mother never spanked (well, she did spank my brother once when he set fire to the house). Her way of keeping us in line was to use guilt: "You wouldn't want to upset your poor, sick mother by misbehaving, would you?" And when my children came along, I didn't believe in spanking, yet I thought it was preferable to the guilt idea.

I did a lot of reading to figure out alternatives. As I moved into social work and then into psychology, my kids were in their teens. I learned more about alternatives and the damage that spanking does.

Moreover, it doesn't work. I consulted with several friends for this article. One said, "It sends the wrong message: 'If I'm bigger and badder than you, I can have my way with you."

She also expressed concern that many adults cannot control themselves when angry, and they may overdo it. A "lesson" turns into abuse. It's punishment based on fear as opposed to disciplining, i.e., teaching the children to self-modulate their own behavior in a socially acceptable way and to learn cause and effect and consequences for behaviors. The goal is to help children to internalize reasons for behaving, not to have them behave because they fear the punishment.

A Web site on Corporal Punishment of Children (www.religioustolerance.org /spanking.htm) discusses the subject. It offers a view of both sides of the issue. I have abstracted from the article to come up with the following:

• Conservative Protestants are the main supporters of corporal punishment, citing the Bible: "Many feel that abandoning spanking will leave their children undisciplined and lead to increased lawlessness and violence in society as those children reach adulthood."

• Child psychologists and religious liberals are against spanking: "Children are probably not too keen on it either. From their reactions, it is obvious that they regard spanking as a terrorist act." (That was certainly my reaction, and Claudine's, many years ago.)
• The trend in our culture is away from spanking.
• Studies indicate that among adults who were spanked as children, even minimally, there is higher incidence of alcoholism, drug abuse, anxiety and depression.

• Spanking is opposed by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

The article also confirms my friend's fear that some adults lose control: The Department of Health and Human Services and The New England Journal of Medicine estimate that 1,000 to 2,000 children die every year in the United States from corporal punishment that has gotten out of control. They estimate that 142,000 are seriously injured annually.

There are also sexual problems that are caused by spanking, according to a study cited in ScienceDaily (March 2, 2008.) Children who are spanked or [are] victims of other corporal punishment are more likely to have sexual problems as a teen or adult, according to new research presented today by Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire.

The status of corporal punishment is changing. It is banned in schools in 29 states, and a Massachusetts lawmaker, Kathleen Wolf, proposed a law banning spanking in homes. She said, "I think it's ironic that domestic violence applies to everyone except the most vulnerable — children." (abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?i d=3924024)

There are cultural differences in spanking as well. A Hispanic male friend of mine cites a George Lopez comic routine in which he describes his parents lining the kids up and spanking them BEFORE they went to the store so they would not misbehave. (Prophylactic spanking! Wonder if it worked?) My friend confirmed that this was the way it was in the Hispanic home he grew up in and others he knew of.

I asked him if he spanked his son (knowing he did not). He said, "No." When I asked "How come?" he said his wife's family convinced him otherwise. He's still not quite ready to admit it's harmful, yet he NEVER spanked his own son, who is now grown and doing quite well.

An article by Ben Harder, which was published in the Feb. 19, 2007, edition of the Los Angeles Times, spoke to the issue of cultural differences. The article liberally quoted Murray Straus (who was cited above), who admitted to spanking his own children in the '50s and '60s and now campaigns to stop corporal punishment of children. Several studies were quoted, some focused on Hispanic and African-American families. The studies all indicated various levels of harm to the children who were being spanked. There was less observable harm to the Hispanic and African-American children, however. This difference was attributed to the fact that corporal punishment remains the cultural norm in those families.

So, here's where I am: I think spanking is harmful to most children. Most importantly, I think it is ineffective as a teaching tool. There are many ways to discipline that are more effective, including time out, removing privileges, behavioral contracts that include rewards and consequences, and for extreme safety issues — when there is a danger to the child or someone else or significant property damage — there are several restraining techniques that can be learned.

I think these methods are more likely to help children reach a more mature moral development level in their decision making.

Rosemary J. Stauber, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in San Antonio and founding director of the Bexar County Women’s Center.