More About Rites of Passage
It's time to reinvent these rituals
By ROSEMARY J. STAUBER and LINDA RONCONI
In the May/June issue of SAN ANTONIO WOMAN, we addressed the changing nature of rites of passage. We used Dr. Ronald Grimes' definition citing a rite of passage as "a symbolic action intended to mark a transition in the human life cycle." We identified the four major rites of passage in our society as birth, coming of age, marriage and death.
With changing times come changing rituals as we "reinvent and reimagine" new ways to honor the passages of our lives. Part II focuses more on these rituals.
Of all the major life passages, birth is the least ritualized. As one's standing in the community or world increases, so does the ritual attention paid to it. The birth of a child is not as important an event in America as it is in some other cultures of the world. While American women "deliver," indigenous women "give birth."
In the industrialized West, birth is more of a medical event than a significant ritual event. Nevertheless, the birth of a child has a significant impact on its immediate environment, its family. It's as though there is a new planet in the constellation that requires realignment and adjustment to new, and considerable, "gravitational pull."
Our culture mainly uses baby showers and gift giving to the parents, to mark this important event. Most religious groups still offer baptisms, and since church attendance is down in our country, many infants are not baptized.
One ancient custom involving birth that has recently been revived is the use of cloulas. A doula is a woman who provides support to a woman during her pregnancy and labor, and may also act as an advocate in communicating with medical staff. The role of the doula may represent an ancient role and signify customs from history that one day may again become important in the ritual of birth. For more information on this topic and midwifery, see Birth As an American Rite of Passage: Robbie Davis-Floyd (2004).
The rite of passage for an adolescent coming of age is an initiation. The Encyclopedia of World Problems and Human Potential cites the current lack of rites of passage for our young people as an urgent and global problem.
In indigenous cultures, the coming-ofage ceremonies of its young boys are critical in the transition of a youth into a young man. Meaningful rituals help an adolescent male to understand the importance and responsibilities of his new status.
In our recent Western culture, initiation rites have largely been ignored, except for a few religious groups. The attraction of young males to the gang subculture is the sense of belonging to a group, even though the bonding and the initiation to these groups is often through obedience and humiliation.
A second subculture in the lives of young males is the fraternity, which also offers rites of passage for the young male. Fraternities, as initiation groups, often include rites of obedience and humiliation, as well.
The third subculture in our country that offers initiation rights to our young men is the military. A cohesive fighting unit grows out of basic training and the bonding that occurs during that time that strengthens the group and provides a sense of safety to the individual. Both gangs and the military can end in disability or death.
Females are more often initiated singly, at the onset of menses, in private with another female. Female initiations usually result in restrictions of behavior. There is an aura of secrecy in the female coming of age.
In our part of the country, a common ritual for coming of age for females is the Hispanic quincearlera ceremony, the official societal recognition of the change in the status of a young female.
An uninitiated adolescent, female or male, may have the sense that s/he is living in a disconnected world and may spend much time posturing and overcompensating and not taking personal responsibility. These adolescents generally are not sure what their roles are in this world and have not crossed over into early adult status. Rediscovery of relevant ceremonies and rituals could provide the process that helps our children grow into mature and responsible adults.
Young adults of today have more options than previous generations. A growing number of American adults will never marry (including some single mothers). Since our longevity has greatly increased, we are marrying later and exiting our marriages sooner. Our confidence in our abilities to achieve a successful, long-term marriage is declining, and we continue to value a happy marriage as a very important lifetime goal.
Cohabitation is now the more common experience of a first union. Approximately 60 percent of cohabitations end in the rite of marriage, although pregnancy and childrearing are not uncommon pre-marriage occurrences. An unsettling statistic is that teenage girls are becoming more accepting of being single mothers. Marriage is no longer an institution of our culture, but an option.
Marriage is still very much of interest to our females, as evidenced by women's magazines and the space devoted to the topic of marriage and relationships. The topic of marriage is not prevalent in the magazines that market to our males.
Since 50 percent of our marriages now end in divorce, the rite of divorce has become an important stage in our lives as well, and should be given more attention as an important passage requiring respectful and meaningful closure. Divorce ceremonies are becoming more acceptable and can have significant impact in the healing process of an unsuccessful marriage.
As baby boomers approach elderhood, many are considering creative ways of memorializing their lives. They want to be "green" about the ceremony. A green burial means the use of biodegradable material that will eventually recycle into the earth or something that adds a positive ecological contribution to our planet.
An average conventional funeral costs $6,500 plus an additional $2,000 for cemetery costs. Green burials can cost only a fraction of that amount. Consider some of the following options to the traditional funeral rite of passage:
Eternal Reefs, Inc: Concrete "open" spheres are created in which the ashes of a person are embedded. The sphere is designed and decorated by the family before the sphere is dropped into the water, where coral and sea life thrive, thus encouraging further growth of coral and enhancing thewater environment. The involvement of the family in designing and decorating is helpful in their mourning process. Eternal Reefs gives the families the latitude and longitude of their reef sphere.
Space Services, Inc., is a Texas-based company that offers burial in outer space. lipstick-sized containers of ashes are travelers on rockets that are being launched into space for various other reasons. These rockets may orbit for years. When eventually it is time to re-enter the atmosphere, the rocket and all its contents will disintegrate with the heat of re-entry. This "space burial" has no negative environmental impact.
Another consideration for a green burial is an "eco-cemetery," areas that are left without landscaping for burials. Families often use trees, rocks or other natural artifacts as markers. There is an eco-cemetery here in Texas, east of Huntsville.
It is believed that over the next 30 years, through the use of green cemeteries, a million acres of land may be conserved and protected, leaving green space to be used for hiking, biking and/or nature trails. The focus of green burial is to protect the land, leaving green space to be used and thereby eliminating the perpetual care of conventional cemeteries.
As we move from a more informational society (left-brained) to a more conceptual society (right-brained), our hope is that our rites and rituals will evolve into richer and more healing ceremonies for our well-being.
Rosemary J. Stauber, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in San Antonio and founding director of the Bexar County Women's Center. Linda Ronconi, M.Ed., is a marriage and family therapist and a certified life cycle celebrant.