Getting old ain't for sissies." That saying is attributed to the late actress Bette Davis, and I first heard it from my darling aunt, who was 90 at the time.

Of course, we all start getting old the minute we're born; that is, maturation, or aging, is occurring. For the early years of our lives, we can't wait to get "old" well, at least to be 5 so we can go to school, then 10 or 12 so we can stay home alone, then 16 so we can drive, and 18 so we can vote (I'm being optimistic here), then 21 so we can drink alcohol, legally.

When I was 5, I remember hearing two neighbor girls, around 9, saying so-and-so "had to get married" because she was going to have a b-a-b-y. I could spell; I knew what b-a-b-y spelled. I didn't know why that meant she had to get married. I didn't think I could ask my mother so I figured I would wait until I was 9 and then I would know. I couldn't wait to be 9. And then when I was 9, I still didn't know. That was disappointing, and it was an important lesson that I didn't quite understand at the time: Different people mature at different rates.

And then we start dreading the decade benchmarks. OMG, I'm 30, then 40, then over-the-hill 50, and so on. Now, suddenly, I find myself in "middle old age" between 75 and 84. (www.wikipedia.org. Wikipedia defines young old as 65-74, middle old as 75-84, and old old as 85 and over.) And I do know that 65 is not nearly as old as it used to be. Many people, especially professional people, are continuing to work well into their 70s.

A good friend of mine is heading off to Iraq or Afghanistan at the age of 67. She has a spirit of adventure, and the main reason she's going is to take care of her own retirement needs at this late date. The pay is good, and she can stash away some noney. As a single parent of three children, vith no help from anyone, she couldn't have done this in her younger years.

The good news about getting older is that we get smarter and wiser, not in terms of how quickly we learn, but in terms of what's stored away and what we can retrieve and how we put all that together.

The bad news is legion: Short-term memory is faulty, endurance and reaction time are going, aches and pains are arriving, fatigue is a constant companion, our immune system doesn't work as well, and, in addition to colds and flu, we're more susceptible to diseases such as Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, certain kinds of cancer, Alzheimer's disease, etc., etc., etc.

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE (AD)

An epidemiologist, David Snowdon did a study over 12 years with 678 elderly nuns. His book: Aging with Grace: What the nun study teaches us about living longer; healthier, and more meaningful lives, Bantam Books, N.Y., NY. 2001.

He chose these nuns to study because they lived carefully regulated lives. This reduced the variables. He tested each of the nuns in the study, yearly measuring short-term memory and other cognitive functions as well as physical development. Some nuns gave permission for autopsies.

The findings were interesting: The nuns, upon entering the convent at approximately 22 years of age, wrote autobiographical essays as part of the entrance requirements. Those nuns who wrote grammatically complex sentences with embedded clauses in their autobiographies turned out to be lower at risk for AD. That is, the more dense with ideas the sentences were, the lower the risk of developing AD later in life. Research has shown that the higher the education, the lower the risk for AD. The question, though, is whether the education is protective or people with higher natural brain function are less susceptible to AD. Snowdon thinks it's the latter.

In people with good mental abilities in early life, with well-developed brains, the tissue is more resistant to lesions of Alzheimer's in the brain.

Snowdon says the development of AD is a lifelong process.

At autopsy, one of the tests was to weigh the brain. A female brain that weighs less than 1,000 grams is likely to be an Alzheimer's brain. One centenarian nun, Mary, was functioning very well until shortly before her death. Her brain weighed only 800 grams, indicating Alzheimer's, yet she showed no symptoms of AD. That suggests that we can, by taking care of ourselves during our life, prevent the symptoms whether we can prevent the disease or not.

The more you engage with your brain, the less likely you are to get symptoms. It isn't "use it or lose it," it's "develop it and keep it." In other words, develop the brain to its fullest capacity — language, reading, etc. — beginning in childhood, and continue to use it actively. As an adult, exercise your brain as religiously as you exercise your body.

In addition, eat a diet rich in vitamin E, antioxidants and folic acid. Foods high in folic acid are spinach and other leafy green veggies. There has been research showing estrogen replacement as helpful in delaying dementia and AD. Later research does not support that.

HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR "GOLDEN YEARS"

Kaplan and Saddock cite four characteristics of people who manage stress well. Growing old is definitely fraught with stress.

In Volume 2 of their Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry/V, these authors tell us about the coping strategies that people who manage stress well use. I paraphrase:

They have a sense of personal control (so it's important to give people as much choice as possible when they are dependent on someone else).

They have task involvement. When we are deeply involved in a task or a hobby, we lose sense of time and are distracted from discomfort and pain.

They make good dietary choices, exercise regularly and tend to their recreational needs.

And they have social support, from friends, family or nursing home attendants, etc.

I add: Assertive communication enhances self-esteem and a sense of personal control. It also enriches relationships, allowing for greater intimacy and therefore better support.

For exercise, here are some good books to help you develop an exercise routine that's OK for older folks:

Torkelson, C.: Exercise while you sit: Easy workouts for the young at heart.

Quarta: Tai Chi in a chair: Easy 75-minute routines for beginners.

Master Domingo Colon: Senior's Tai Chi Workout: Improve balance, strength and flexibility.

I do exercises in water. This reduces impact on the aging joints and allows me to maintain mobility. A trainer helped me develop the exercises that consist of upper body and lower body workouts. It's important, whatever exercises you choose, to start slowly and gradually add to the routine. Also, pay attention to your body's signals. If there is pain, stop!

When caring for an elderly person, give choices whenever possible, thereby allowing him or her as much of a sense of personal control as possible. And remember to follow the advice of the flight attendant:

Give yourself oxygen (in terms of rest, exercise, diet and recreation) first so you can care for those who are in your charge.

When working with Alzheimer's patients, encourage them not to withdraw by talking with them about "old times." Play some of the music from their era, etc. Older folks respond to music long after they quit participating in conversation.

SEX AND THE ELDERLY

Recent television productions have indicated that the elderly of today are sexually active far into their later years. I found an article on the Internet, Sex in the Elderly, by Patricia Bloom, M D., of Mount Sinai-New York University Hospital, that brings clarity to the subject. You can find it at www.globalaging.org/health/us/sexelderly.htm.

She writes that 29 percent of men and 25 percent of women are still sexually active at age 80. (I understand that Texas laws call for nursing homes to allow residents a place for conjugal visits if they request it.)

Bloom closes her article with the following: Don't fall into the ageist trap of thinking that sex is only for the young. Sexuality in your older years is all about breaking down stereotypes, open communication, individual choices and embarking on a wonderful path of self-discovery. Enjoy!

And I paraphrase that statement regarding elder living: Don't fall into the ageist trap of thinking that living a full life is only for the young. Life in your older years is all about breaking down stereotypes, open communication, individual choices and embarking on a wonderful path of self-discovery. Enjoy!

Rosemary J. Stauber, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in San Antonio and founding director of the Bexar County Women’s Center.